Appreciation for our Sacrifice

As a Christian author-to-be I recently joined American Christian Fiction Writers Organization. When I introduced myself I told everyone I'm the mother of four with my husband in Iraq. Soon after e-mails poured in to welcome me and thank my husband for his service and then thank me for the sacrifice I've made while he serves. Only a few people have thanked me, ever.

Then yesterday, as I attended my first Sunday school class at my new church, the pastor introduced me and told everyone my husband was in Iraq. A visitor leaned forward and said, "Thank you for your service. The families serve as much as the soldiers. So, thank you."

People forget, we, the ones left behind, sacrifice more than our soldiers do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not degrading what our men and women in arms do, but their jobs are, as my husband says: "a cake walk compared to what you have to do at home."

So far, he has spent his entire time there on base in his office, never leaving for anything. And I feel he'll only set foot off base when he comes home on leave. But back here at home, I've been cooped up inside with four cabin crazed kids because the weather doesn't permit escape. We've combated one sickness after another. When they're all crabby, I'm at my wits end to get them calmed down while I don't lose my mind, which many times I have failed. There's homework, house work, the driving from here to there, doctor appointments, grocery store trips, meetings--sometimes with all four kids in tow, keeping two young children occupied while I try to write and revise a book, getting them to keep their rooms cleaned, teaching them to not jump on furniture or out of the windows, the list goes on and on. Up at 6:30, on the bus by 7:30, out the door at 8:00, and then run any errands that need to be run and back home, only to turn around and leave again, on a good night I'm in bed by 10:00.

Many of these things my husband would help with, or do for me so I could have a break. But I will admit, by him being gone, some of my workload has decreased. But that doesn't compare to the nights where I wish I could just sit and chill while someone else gets the kids cleaned up and put to bed. The nights where I have no one to talk to when I used to. And the days where I wish someone else would just clean that up instead of me.

We sacrifice so much so they can serve, and yet, we're the ones usually forgotten. But our soldiers don't forget. They have said countless times, their job is made easier because of those of us back home.

So, today, if you personally know a family who has a soldier or sailor serving thank them for their duty. Especially if it's a spouse with children. We're the forgotten ones.

The First Year

My first year as a single mom was difficult. The kids cried for their daddy and I cried for the companionship of my friend, lover, confidant, and husband.

Faced with no income at first(it takes a while for the insurance company to send insurance money) I sold my engagement ring to purchase groceries to feed the kids. Thank goodness we also had mortgage insurance and the house would be paid off with that money. Once all the insurance money arrived we were pretty well set financially for a while anyway.

But with all the housework and yard work and upkeep of a home I was soon overwhelmed with it all. I remember many nights after the children were in bed, retreating to the basement family room to cry and feel sorry for myself. The hardest thing for me was dealing with everything alone, with no one to share the bad times as well as the good times with. I had family, but none living close enough to me to be of any weekly help. I cried because I couldn't do it all. The cleaning, the lawn mowing, the weeding, the laundry, dealing with sick kids...with no one to help...EVER! It was during that first year of crying in the family room that I pulled out my Bible and began to read. I started in Psalms as they were my favorite. I found comfort. And I once again learned to lean on God and let go of my anger at Him. It took a while. See, this wasn't the first person I had lost to death. My dad was killed by a drunk driver when I was a senior in high school and my mom died 3 years later while I was in college. I have an older sister and a younger sister. My older sister was married and had just had a new baby when my mom died and was pregnant with her 4 childd when Dave died, and she lived out of town. My younger sister was in high school when mom died and I quit college and got a full time job so I could take care of her and get her through high school. I never returned to college. I met Dave and we married and had our first child 2 days before our first wedding anniversary. I don't tell you this story so you will feel sorry for me. I'm just laying the groundwork so you will understand the anger I had toward the Lord for allowing Dave to die. And the guilt I felt over that anger was huge! Yet, I wasn't able to let it go for quite some time. But when I fianlly released it....oh how much stronger I felt and what a relief off my shoulders.

No matter how hard it gets being a single mom, the one thing we all have to count on is the LORD. Sometimes we think He isn't there with us...but it's those times I found that I was absent from HIM. Without Him, where would any of us be?