Friday, March 2, 2007

Starbucks and Kids:-)

Funny how much things change when you become single....I always felt like I was already a "single Mom" because my dh worked nights and didn't do much around the house. When the kids were babies I nursed them and they were my pretty much my responsibility. He didn't even change diapers because we used cloth and I didn't want him to mess them up lol He never got up at night with them. We also made the choice to not use babysitters so the kids went with us everywhere. If we ever had to leave them with anyone my parents lived 3 houses down so they would watch them. We still hurried to pick them up and never abused the situation by having them do it a lot. I honestly didn't think much would change when I moved here but I was WRONG. I still have the same responsibilities but now I don't have the option to go off alone like I did...just the fact that the option is GONE makes this harder if that makes sense. Tonight was a perfect example of how much my thinking has changed. I have been here 7 months and with the exception of when I had surgery I haven't really been away from my kids. I actually took a day off work just to be alone!...anyway, tonight the church was having a movie night for the kids and the old me would have jumped right in to see how I could help and I would have stayed...the new me said "so I can leave the kids and I don't have to stay?" and when they said NO I did a little happy dance and invited some ladies out for Starbucks lol It was SO nice to just be around other women. I need that fellowship more now than I ever did...I get so lonely and some days I feel so overwhelmed with the amount of things I have to do...It is hard to turn my brain off...I always have a mental list going in my head and I can only put things off so long...Like I still need to get an oil change, go grocery shopping, buy shoes for my kids, take them to spend their gift cards from CHRISTMAS!, plan a birthday and a million other things:::sigh::::it is exhausting at times because it is just me. Housework is never ending and I have had to let my standards go down a little. I miss having lines in my carpets from the vacuum;-) Tomorrow starts another day full of never ending responsibility but for tonight I feel refreshed. Tonight I feel like I can do this..tonight I will go to bed with a smile on my face and I won't feel guilty because I needed this. The old me would have felt like a horrible Mom but the new me knows my limits. I REALLY needed this and I don't think those women know how blessed I was to just sit there and not have to think about custody battles, divorce lawyers etc Tonight I felt normal and that alone was a blessing. I am so thankful for my church and my friends...I really am blessed:-)


A Dusty Frame said...

Barbie, I think that what most women don't realize when they look at a single mom is what you said--the OPTION is gone.

Totally completely gone.

I have a lot of people say they are single moms 'cause their hubbies work a lot--but their husband comes home every night, sends his check home;), stays with the kids so she can do girl things.

They simply don't comprehend what you have explained here.

Ame said...

Barbie - thank you for articulating SO well what I have ineptly tried so often to say.

"Housework is never ending and I have had to let my standards go down a little." YES!!! And the worst part is they keep going down and down and down - UGH!!!

Dear God, thank You for Barbie. Especially, I thank You for this precious gift You gave her with other women at Starbucks. Lord, please provide more opportunities for the "New Barbie" to exercise taking care of herself. Give her mental relief even before she needs it. You are awesome, God! I love You, Ame